I honestly don’t get the appeal of bumper stickers. Sure, they’re a
fairly low-cost, low commitment way to broadcast elements of your
personality to other drivers, but I have no idea why you’d want to do
that in the first place. At best, I now know that you really enjoy Star
Wars, apparently fight zombies, or some other entirely irrelevant
detail. Worst case scenario, I can now more effectively steal all of
your belongings thanks to the handy stick family diagram you provided me with.
Outdated political campaignsPhoto: Dave Winer
Let’s get this out of the way up front: I couldn’t care less which presidential candidate
the driver in front of me supports. That having been said, I understand
the intention behind trying to encourage people to vote during an
election year. But please, can we all come together as one proud human
race and take the damn things off after the election?
The frustration only compounds the older the sticker is, especially
if the candidate lost. I get it, you voted for Dukakis in 1988. Truly
fascinating, but could you please accelerate? The light just turned
green.
The stick figure family
Photo: Mike Mozart
Putting aside the favor you could be doing for the friendly
neighborhood burglar, these decals are responsible for instigating a
rear-window war. It started with the standard family. Then other drivers
fired back with irreverent takes, which were followed up with
increasingly violent depictions of how the driver is going to,
essentially, destroy your family. I’m not a huge fan of the original
stickers, but I don’t particularly like staring at a T-rex eating a
child or a car bowling people over while I drive to work.
The “wallpaper”
Photo: Richard Masoner
This is less an issue with any one sticker than it is the collage of
bad ideas that some people reduce the exterior of their cars to. One
bumper sticker is annoying; 300 of them is some kind of crime. If you
hate the color of your car that much, spring for a basic repaint rather than slowly turning it into a rolling eyesore. It may even save you money in the long run.
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